Lost Soldiers Of Darkness

[Gorath_Korim]

Yes, it's me!!! omg, it's been so long. And imagine my surprise when I saw Lance's post. Talk about a coincidence. (Hey there, Lance, by the way... Never thought I'd hear from you again! )

And to see Barnes currently logged in as I was retrieving my log in pass... well, that wasn't much of a surprise. lol. Loth: good to see you and Lance both (as it were). Man.. the names you and Lance dredged up certainly brought back some memories. And yes.. I think I recall that tourney as well, if I'm not mistaken.

But alas, the reason why I came in the first place. This is in fact a farewell, in a manner of speaking, as the title of the thread implies. I need to get some closure, as it were. As I started to disclose in the last thread I started nearly a year ago, my life has changed dramatically since I was Lord Avatar of LSD so many years ago. The most significant of those changes is why I am posting now...

Wow... how do I put this... I hope you're sitting down (of course you are.... duh, you're at your computer/lappy). I guess one way would be to say that the name "Gorath" doesn't quite fit any more. Reason being?... It represents a male persona. Well, the fact of the matter is, I no longer represent that gender. The end of 2008 (yes, '08) marked the end of my life as a male. Since that point in time, my name was legally changed, and I have been living and working as a female.

Ok... seriously. Some of you are probably thinking 'who hacked Gor's account'?!?!? It's me. Anyone who knows me can tell from my writing style alone. Besides; who would bother trying to fabricate something like this? I mean, really... what could they hope to gain or accomplish?

So why come out, as it were? Because I value my dignity. I put too much time proving myself to others to just throw it away. I believe that the actions of my past; the dignity I've displayed, respect I've earned, and honor I have been shown are all worth holding on to. Changing the way I present myself to others shouldn't have to mean giving up all I've worked for. I still remember when I was first introduced to Belz outside Vesper on Napa of UO WAY back when.... I don't want to give up the memories I've acquired as a part of LSD any more than those of my physical existence. I feel it would be like turning my back on my closest friends; I look at it as if... If I simply disappeared, it would be like assuming they would turn their backs on me if I didn't, and I was running away without even bothering to check.

And then there's the fact that there seems to be a lot more understanding in the world today. Perhaps because there are more people like myself, standing up for what they believe, and refusing to live their life as others think they should, rather than hiding in the shadows and succumbing to the fear of retaliation and hatred. Society is evolving; people are more educated. Thirty years ago, I thought I was the only person that felt the way I do. Now, according to the latest "factual research", there are more than 1 in 30,000 that were born male and have had surgery, changing their sex to female; and more that simply live as female; and many times more than that, that have the desire, but not the means or ability to do so.

So, with that, as I said, the name "Gorath" no longer fits. I haven't returned to online games yet, so I haven't really thought of what name I will take for my on-line persona "when" I do. Perhaps I'll use the name of my first female character in UO... I think it was "Jezebel" (I raised her to be an assassin, I believe). Lol... I still remember getting my first lesson from Kuriel on how to present as a female so other players would actually think I "was" a girl IRL.

Anyway... This will be the last thread begun/responded to under the name Gorath. I hope that I'll be shown the same respect as I've received from my family, IRL friends and employer. If not, farewell to all that see this post before it decays or is deleted.

May the moon shine forever, and the dragon never die!!!

Sincerely,
Gorath Korim / aka, Jezebel
"Online gaming should be enjoyed, not endured! - Old Timer (Shadowbane)"

[Barnes]

Hey buddy. Nice to see you floatin' around again. Thanks for checking in with us. I think it's wonderful you felt comfortable telling all of us about this decision. If you ever need help with something or just wanna chat hit us up. A few of us have Facebooks if you wanna hit us up on that. Mines right here if yer into that kinda thing. Lots of us old timers are on there from UO and such.

Always remember, it's your life. And if it makes you happy, do it. Fuck the haters.


And never say goodbye, Jezzy.

[Lothar]

Hey Gor, its so odd how all these inactive people pop onto the forums when someone else posts who's also been gone so long.

With that being said, umm, I had to check today to see if it was April 1st and if you weren't playing a joke on us all. Considering its not, I'll assume you're not joking, and are for real and haven't been hacked. In that case, excuse me for my previous comment.

As for being accepted, if it makes you feel better to be a woman, you're not going to have a problem with that, cuz there's over a dozen guys I know who prefer to play women in MMOs, which now includes Barnes, lol. So you definitely won't be alone.

I think the hardest part will be calling you by a different name. Thats usually my hardest issue. It took me a couple years to stop calling Ang, Beauty. So I guess its just going to take me longer to call you Jezebel, or Jez or Jezzy as Barnes coined or whatever other name you wish to go by.

Anyways, glad to hear from you. I was wondering when you'd be back, if ever.

P.S. - If this is really a joke, I'm not a amused!

[Gorath_Korim]

Nope. Not a joke. I uploaded my '09 employee photo as my avatar so you can see what I look like now.

I should say, for the benefit of those guys that "play" a woman in games, there's a big difference between that, and being transgendered. My old neighbor, Gormajasic (yeah... real original name, eh? ) always played a female character with the reason "If I'm going to look at the same avatar from behind all day, I'd rather be looking at a girl's butt than a guy's". Others think they can get away with more as a female character than a male. Similarly, there are women out there that strictly play male characters, and even represent as RL men so they aren't treated like "a girl". But I'm getting off the point here....

In my case, I typically refrained from playing a female character because I didn't want to 'tip my hand', so to speak. Hence the whole "Damn it Bobby" voice tricks on Ventrillo and other macho stuff I did to re-enforce my masculinity (by the way, although my day-to-day voice is now convincingly female, I can still switch it back and forth and do my Hank Hill impressions. lmao... talk about a party gag!!!) . In any case, I didn't dare play a female in game because I was too scared that someone would catch on. Kind of like the whole "only a guy secure in his own masculinity will wear pink" type thing... I NEVER wore pink as a guy either, interestingly enough... That's not to say that some people just don't like pink, or just don't ever think about such things.... most people don't.

Anyway. Don't worry about whether or not you offended me. You didn't. I've seen pretty much every type of reaction you can imagine, from compassionate sincerity, uncontrollable giggling, shy embarrassment, anger, exaggerated attempts to express false understanding, etc etc... the list goes on. For most, there's a period of discomfort, but that usually fades fairly quickly. It's only human.

ttyl,
Jezzy (I think I'll go with Barnes on that one. )
"Online gaming should be enjoyed, not endured" - Old Timer

I suppose it's about time to create a new forums account....

[Barnes]

"If I'm going to look at the same avatar from behind all day, I'd rather be looking at a girl's butt than a guy's".

That. Plus I have a tail. And horns.

Yes, they are real. And, they can cut glass.

[Lance]

Gorath! I apologize for the late response. So good to finally hear from you, though I am a bit upset you thought you'd never hear from me again! I hope you didn't think I was dead or something. I kid, I kid.

I must say, it will be tough to not call you Gorath anymore, but I will try my best. You'd best continue to come around and discuss things on these boards, so you, Lothar, Barnes, and myself can reminisce on times long past. As for that tourney, how could you possibly forget? A mere Squire downing the GM! At least, I think I was a Squire at the time haha That may very well have been the highlight of my time in LSD.

Either way, good to hear from ya, as I said. And thank you for being comfortable with sharing this with us. I think it is awesome that you pursued what you felt was right for you, especially since it is something that holds such a massive stigma in our society. I certainly commend you for being able to do so, I am sure it was not easy.

Keep in touch Jezzy!

-Lance